A little time apart means being able to spend longer living together

Ros and John Gill have lived in their Kingswood home for more than 50 years.

John was a university lecturer of philosophy and together he and Ros had three daughters.

In 2010 John was diagnosed with mild cognitive impairment, which has progressed to Alzheimer's Disease, the most common form of dementia.

It’s now difficult for Ros to leave him alone for any length of time, but he can still go for a walk around the block because he knows his neighbourhood so well.

At home John is comfortable and content, enjoying regular visits from his grandchildren who go to school just up the road, and visiting his brother-in-law who lives in the next street each week to speak and read in French.

John’s life at home with Ros is made possible through a range of services that keep him as independent as possible, while giving Ros the time she needs to look after her own wellbeing and care to the best of her abilities.

Ros said, “I still feel at the bottom of it all that I’m the one responsible but because of all the services I’m sure it’s enabling John to stay home and also it’s enabling me to cope and to manage and to care.”

The services include three days of Dementia Cottage Respite at Myrtle Cottage, where John has one-on-one exercise sessions, helps with household tasks around the cottage and engages in stimulating group activities.

Ros took some time to come to terms with leaving John at the Cottage; “I have to say that the first time he started on a Monday I thought it was a big thing to go one day a week and I found it very difficult just picking him up and dropping him off. I felt terrible actually leaving John, but he took to it like a duck to water!”

“I felt like I was betraying John but I don’t think he felt that at all.

“He looks forward to going, he comes home and I know when he’s been stimulated and been happy because he comes home with a bit of a smile on his face and energised a little bit.”

While John is at Myrtle Cottage Ros focuses on her own health by attending a group exercise class at Carmelite Health & Fitness Centre, a yoga class and outdoor aqua-aerobics.

“I have learnt that the fitter I feel, the better I cope,” Ros explained.

The respite also gives Ros the opportunity to attend her own appointments, complete the family admin and household jobs, and occasionally catch up with friends without feeling like she needs to rush off to look after John.

“It’s free time to do what you need to do without having the anxiety or the worry or the overseeing of another person,” Ros said.

A recent hospital visit for Ros was also made easier by the team at Myrtle Cottage as John was able to visit for an extra day. 

Ros knew he would be safe and comforted by staff if needed, so she could focus on getting better.

Every Friday afternoon John has a support worker called Mingmar visit for a few hours of one-on-one support known as in-home respite. 

They often go out to volunteer with a local bushcare group if the weather is nice, or visit the library to play games.

All of the respite services Ros and John use are subsidised through John’s Government-funded Home Care Package, which also helps with purchasing some frozen meals for days when Ros is too tired to make dinner from scratch.

Ros has also appreciated the support from Dementia Australia along their journey, including a peer support program which was invaluable.

For more information about how Southern Cross Care can support carers, visit our Respite Care page.